Tag: #health

Order Out of Chaos: Bringing Care Back to the World

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

I first learned about order out of chaos, during my doctoral process.

The current state of the world and behaviour of the people demands action to restore or create new order.

blue yellow and red coated wires
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My doctoral studies, in management and organizational leadership, revealed concepts I liked, Complexity Theory, Chaos Theory, and Complexity Leadership. What I have learned from these theories gives me hope for our world despite the current state of chaos.

I’m starting with some definitions/explanations to lay the foundation for my thoughts.

Chaos

1. a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.

2. any confused, disorderly mass

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/chaos

Complexity Theory

modern residential building facades in summer city
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Jason Collins explains complexity theory this way:

While chaos theory is not complexity theory, it is closely related. It was in chaos theory where some of the analytic tools used in complexity science were first explored. Chaos theory is concerned with the special case of complex systems, where the emergent state of the system has no order whatsoever—and is literally chaotic.

https://www.jasoncollins.blog/posts/complexity-versus-chaos

Keeping these theories in mind and believing humans are intrinsically good, I plan to share my hopes for the future. Complexity theory can be understood, in part, by considering the Butterfly Effect. Collins goes on to state:

[A] contribution of chaos theory is demonstrating … dynamical systems are highly sensitive to initial conditions. …sometimes referred to as the butterfly effect. This refers to the idea that a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil might precipitate a tornado in Texas. This evocative—if unrealistic—image conveys the notion that small differences in the initial conditions can lead to a wide range of outcomes.

https://www.jasoncollins.blog/posts/complexity-versus-chaos

The small behaviours and actions of each of us can lead to many bigger outcomes. Thus, we can hope our behaviours and actions can adapt in a way to ensure a beautiful world of love, peace, caring, and respect. Every choice you make is important and can make a significant difference. Change will happen. We need to decide what change we want and make the appropriate choices to ensure our wants and needs are met.

Maybe our leaders do not understand this concept, or maybe they understand, choosing to take actions that will not result in the beautiful world I believe we can have and deserve. Let’s ask ourselves what the driving force for the events that have us in this current state of war, crime, killing, and unrest.

scraping the earth
Photo by Julia Fuchs on Pexels.com

Greed!

I say it is greed. Everyone seems to want more. More of everything – money, power, stuff – without thought to costs. Health concerns are in the forefront because of the pandemic. This might be good. Why, you ask; because the pandemic has forced us to examine health and health care. The pandemic has also forced us to recognize the importance of social contact. However, like an iceberg, many of the problems lie beneath the surface.

Have you heard the phrase treat others as they would want you to treat them? This is a paraphrase of the Platinum Rule. This might be a new concept for many. This rule takes into consideration the different values, beliefs, expectations, and preferences of the individual. Though we are all the same, we have our differences, and those deserve to be recognized. Can you imagine what that world would look like?

Imagine!

Strawberry Fields, Central Park, New York

Imagine a world where we recognize and respect differences in beliefs, values, principles, and expectations though we don’t agree. There are benefits to differences. An example that comes readily to my mind, having just adopted a mixed-breed dog, is what has unfortunately happened to many purebred dogs. The flaws in a specific breed become predominant to the point of being a detriment of the dog: for example – bad hips, such a smushed in nose that the dog can’t breathe properly. This happens within organizations when there is a practice of only promoting from within. As nice as it is to know that if you put in the time, you will be rewarded, it is also a limiting factor for the organization and all members. Disagreements, different beliefs, different values, and different expectations, when discussed respectfully, can result in creativity, new ideas, and changes allowing growth and development in positive ways. ‘This is the way we have always done it’, is a phrase that needs to be retired. We want to always be open to examine and consider a better way. Sitting back and doing nothing is a choice, consider the action you will pursue.

Action

gray newton s cradle in close up photogaphy
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We must act. We have a job to do, and it needs to be done now. Our world is in turmoil, chaos, a state of depravity. Our world is also beautiful, full of wonder, magnificence, caring, and miracles.

We need to choose the future.

From chaos we can achieve order.

Don Brown (2016) wrote:

As a leader of others, your job, too, is to create order out of chaos for others, every day. If you sell, serve or lead, you influence others for a living. You are responsible for helping others make sense of what swirls around them every day…to help them create order out of their chaos. And the best way to do that? Figure out your rules of engagement.

https://trainingindustry.com/blog/leadership/to-create-order-out-of-chaos/

Brown, (2016), goes further suggesting the establishment of a new set of rules of engagement to set your standards of excellence. Leading has changed, he says, but new rules will help us create order out of chaos. These are his suggested rules:

Discover what your people want you to know and do.

Master today’s #1 leadership competency: being present with others.

Learn to ask more and tell less.

Target your influence where you can make the most of every leadership moment.

Learn to follow an influence protocol to calibrate need and create positive movement in others. Discover what your people want you to know and do.

https://trainingindustry com/blog/leadership/to-create-order-out-of-chaos/

These rules might not suit everyone. However, they provide you with a starting point. Afterall, we don’t all have to agree. We can look for other rules or choose to add to or subtract from what is presented here. We do, however, need to act now to influence the future in ways that are positive and sustainable.

I don’t know if what I write, state, and share with others will have an enormous influence on anyone, I hope it will. But I can and will continue to share my thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and what I learn so that everyone can consider their own actions and behaviours. We can have a beautiful world and a beautiful life. What you choose to do is up to you, but I beg you to do something.

pondering female secretary picking folder in workplace
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If We Could Talk to the Animals

Posted on by Dr. Elaine
figurine of thee meerkats
Photo by Mike B on Pexels.com

If we could talk to the animals, what would they tell us about leadership? I couldn’t resist searching to see what information I could find on how animals lead. We know there are alphas and betas, leaders, and followers, and sometimes loners. We also know that sometimes there is a fight. Is it always with a fight? How are the leaders determined? Is there hierarchy? It depends on which animal you talk to.

We have a beehive and recently there was no queen. We don’t look after the bees; we have a beekeeper. He brought a new queen, and she was accepted. I’m sure we can learn a lot from animal leaders, have fun, and remember the information we get a bit easier.

I have decided to take a quick look at 7 animals identified by Tom Sommer to see what he had to say in 2018. The meerkat, the bee, the elephant, the octopus, the crow, the dog, and the gorilla.

Meerkat

a furry meerkat standing on a wood
Photo by Volker Kaes on Pexels.com

I love meerkats. They seem to be very aware of what is going on around them. While at the zoo one day watching and photographing the meerkats, we noticed one of them following my grown granddaughter and posing for pictures. It was quite noticeable and other zoo patrons were getting a laugh at this activity.

Stop running, pop your head up, look around, adjust course, then keep going.*

We don’t want to get so focused on the task at hand that we don’t see what is happening around us. Make sure to plan your work and work your plan.

Bee

honey bee perched on pink and yellow petaled flower closeup photography
Photo by Miss Pooja on Pexels.com

Bees and beehives have always fascinated me. I don’t know much about them, but I have learned more in the last few years. One day the bees from a neighbour’s hive ‘swarmed’ and gathered in a tree in our yard. We were told that the owner of the property can keep the bees and set up their own hive – we did.

If I understand the concept of swarming, this occurs when the hive becomes overpopulated. A second queen is produced, and she leaves with a bunch of the worker and drone bees (or at least that is my understanding).

Create autonomy and empowerment to enable your team to work efficiently without a centralised leader.*

Bees go out every day and gather pollen. The work in the hive is carried out by the worker bees with little involvement of the queen – she delegates. The queen doesn’t have to go out and tell them what to do. The colony is cooperative and works together to take care of the needs of the hive. She leaves them to do what they know to do, no micromanagement. But she is aware when there is overcrowding.

Elephant

close up of elephant family
Photo by Katie Hollamby on Pexels.com

They do the neatest stuff. I’ve seen paintings, I’ve watched them play, and though they didn’t create the paper, their poop has been used to make paper. The moms are incredibly protective, and I think many of us have seen documentaries showing elephants grieving. Elephants develop strong bonds with friends and family. This makes me think of the saying “It takes a village…”.

Create a healthy and safe environment for your team to ensure ongoing success and productivity. *

Oh, for all our leaders to do that.

Providing the resources and safety necessary for workers to meet the set goals is an important role for a leader.

Next is an example of situational leadership.

Octopus

“Adapt your leadership style to each unique situation. No single way to lead is always right.”

Ollie the Octopus at the Ocean Lab
Ollie the Octopus at the Ocean Lab by ceridwen is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0

Octopuses are great at camouflage. They can adjust their appearance to blend in with their environment and situation. Imagine if we could all adapt to the environment and situations we encounter.

Octopuses lead their 8-arms. However, Octopuses are solitary animals who adapt to the situation and environment in which they find themselves.

Crow

bird animal beak outdoors
Photo by Odd Falch on Pexels.com

Aren’t these absolutely amazing birds? I love watching them and how they interact with people and other animals. Crows are highly intelligent and if you pay attention to, you will see how they come to recognize you or others you see, and how they remember where danger has lurked.

Develop and grow those around you in a consistent and systematic way. *

Crows have learned and I am guessing they continue to learn. This suggests that the crows encourage learning. What an important concept for all leaders; how are you ensuring your workers are learning for the job and for personal development?

Dog

Our Sadie

My husband and I have a dog. There is no question she has done a good job of training us. Though we did our best to establish my husband as the Alpha, that only seems to hold true some of the time. She is also a great communicator. She was a rescue, and I remember when we brought her home as pup and she would roll onto her back and be submissive in all new encounters. We never heard a sound from her for months and she has remained quiet, though she has gotten more talkative as she has aged.

Dogs, well at least the ones I know, make their expectations known very clearly.

Watching dog interaction is a learning experience. A look, then a soft growl, then watch out if you don’t pay attention to these signals. Don’t go near my food, don’t come between me and my mom.

Gorilla

animal portrait of a gorilla
Photo by Pierre LESCOT on Pexels.com

More about communication, you need to provide feedback to be a good leader. Do you beat your chest like a gorilla? Probably not, but make sure you provide constructive feedback.

Feedback is the most important tool for a leader to help others grow. *

Although variable in form, every animal society has some form of dominance hierarchy. Hierarchy is defined as priority of access to resources and probability of winning competitive encounters and reflects underlying asymmetries in power. (Cronin, K. A. et al. Hierarchy is Detrimental for Human Cooperation. Sci. Rep. 5, 18634; doi: 10.1038/srep18634 [2015]).

*These are quotes are from the works of Tom Sommer.

Put Yourself in a Better Mood

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

Photo from my trip to New York’s Central Park. John Lennon’s songs always give me hope and lifts my mood,

Put yourself in a better mood. How? Check out these science-based ways to increase positive emotions, decrease negative emotions, and make yourself feel better.

Life isn’t always easy. Sometimes bad things happen, and we find ourselves in a bad mood. At times we make decisions that get us down. Other times we feel bad for no obvious reason. We know we want to feel better…but how? Psychological research has shown us there are ways we can boost our mood. Check out a few of them:

1. Practice gratitude to boost your mood

​One of the best ways to start feeling better fast is to practice gratitude. You can write a gratitude journal or a gratitude list. This practice can lead to a quick and fast boost of feeling more positive.

2. Don’t be too hard on yourself

How you treat yourself matters. Treat yourself at least as well as you treat others. Learn self-compassion, being hard on yourself can bring you down. Being gentle with yourself can help you feel better about yourself. When we’re not judgmental of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, we treat ourselves better. You can boost self-compassion by writing a self-compassionate letter to yourself. In this letter remind yourself of all your good qualities, and good things you have done, and celebrate by treating yourself kindly.

3. Boost your mood, boost your self-confidence

When we are confident, we are more likely to take action to improve our lives. Being in a better mood can help make that happen. Boost your self-confidence by examining your strengths and positive qualities. Name your strengths and write or record them so you can refer to them during tough times. These don’t have to be big—are you a good cook, good at playing video games, or have a good, creative imagination.

4. Write yourself a ‘feel better soon’ letter

Research suggests we look at our current situation from a time in the future. Doing this can lead to decreased negative emotions and make us feel better (Bruehlman-Senecal & Ayduk, 2015). That can be tough to do, depending on the situation. This suggestion has you think about what you want to do and where you want to be (dream a little, then write those things down).  If you’ve experienced a breakup or other negative situation or event leaving you in a bad mood or unhappy, imagine the future you want (remember you are in control). Then write this letter to yourself, but from the future. This letter is from the view that you have achieved all your dreams and are reflecting on the tough time. In this letter praise yourself for all you have accomplished (from what you want to do, want to be, and for your happiness. Tell yourself to “feel better soon”. You recognize how proud you are of all your future self is doing when this challenging time has passed. You might also want to consider a vision board for long-term dreams and goals or even a quick collage for the immediate future (I like pictures, though I know this isn’t for everyone).

How can that smile not help lift your mood?

5. Notice positive things and watch your mood improve

Numerous studies show that focusing our attention on the positive rather than the negative can improve our well-being (MacLeod, et al., 2002; Wadlinger & Isaacowitz, 2008). For example, if we lose a job, we might say to ourselves: “I am so happy to have my family and friends” or “It was time for me to find something new” or “I deserve better than this”.

6. Positive images can make you smile

Science is great for helping us learn strategies to feel better. But sometimes we just want to look at something funny or cute. (Science suggests positive images do boost our mood.) Sometimes, when we’re feeling down, it can be helpful to let our brain rest, look at cute cat videos or pictures, and just let our mood improve that way.

For quick fixes check out this short article from Psychology Today.

7. Oh, just one more thing to wrap up

If you’re in a bad mood, there are things you can do to feel better. Try these tips. Be gentle with yourself and take your time. Don’t forget to breathe. As a Certified HeartMathTM Trainer and Coach I have programs to guide you to be in control of how you react to your emotions. I can tailor these to meet your needs, we work together. See more information here https://leadnurses.com/programs/

References

  • Bruehlman-Senecal, E., and O. Ayduk. 2015. “This Too Shall Pass: Temporal Distance and the Regulation of Emotional Distress.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 108 (2): 356.
  • MacLeod, C., Rutherford, E., Campbell, L., Ebsworthy, G., & Holker, L. (2002). Selective attention and emotional vulnerability: assessing the causal basis of their association through the experimental manipulation of attentional bias. Journal of abnormal psychology, 111(1), 107.
  • Wadlinger, H. A., & Isaacowitz, D. M. (2008). Looking happy: The experimental manipulation of a positive visual attention bias. Emotion, 8(1), 121.

Has Your Work Increased Over Time?

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

When you started your job, you probably had a fairly good idea of your job description and what your work would involve. You knew that as you became more competent at the various /tasks you would have more responsibilities added till you were proficient in your role.

You are starting to find this a bit too much for you to manage. You are becoming tired, less enthusiastic about your job, and the stress is starting to get to you. You are asking yourself, “how did I get into this situation”?Have you heard about boiling a frog?

You have become proficient and taken on the additional tasks and projects given to you. You have done well and are proud of yourself. Now the additional jobs and projects are becoming more frequent and many are now expected of you and added to your responsibilities.

Recipe for Boiling a Live Frog

Ingredients

  1. One live frog
  2. One pot large enough to cover the frog with water
  3. Enough water to cover the frog

Fill the pot with water. While waiting for the water to boil, catch your live frog. Once the water is boiling, drop the frog in the water. Boil till done.

Comment:

My frog jumped out of the water; I don’t think your recipe works.

Response:

My goodness, everyone knows you can’t boil the water first. You must put the frog in the pot of room temperature water, then bring the water to a boil.

Why Have I Given You This Information? What Does This Have to do With the Changes to Your Work Responsibilities?

More than once I have ended up in such a situation. One time when I moved on two people were hired to replace me. Has this happened to you? As in the opening description, I took on one more thing, then one more thing, and it continued – after all, how much time can just one more thing take? One little task, no problem.

More tasks are given to you and you are managing them quite well, but you are getting tired. You are no longer sure if this is the job you want. Your family is complaining that you spend too much time working and that you are too tired to do things with them when you get home.

What has happened here? Just like the frog, the heat was slowly turned up, you didn’t even notice until it was too much and you were done – just like the frog.

What can you do about this type of situation?

You might have been in the job for years and you are satisfied. You are working in a field of your choosing. When you first started you were excited to go to work every day. Some of that initial enthusiasm has worn off now as your workload has increased and no longer aligns with your values or the direction of your goals. It is not too late. You can start now to set your boundaries. Of course, it is difficult to backtrack, but it is possible. A carefully thought-out plan is needed, and this plan begins with an open mind, courage, and a clear understanding of your values and goals. What is important to you? What are your priorities? This can be a hefty task and you might want to get a bit of help.

Know your boundaries (ideally from your first day of work, but it is never too late). I suggest you go back to look at your values. Is the job in alignment with your values? As you determine your boundaries are they in alignment with your values and goals?

Guidance at such a time might be valuable. This is where a coach or mentor can come in handy. Give me a shout and let’s figure out what you want to do and how you will go about getting what you want.

drelaine@drelaineleadership.com

Follow Your Heart

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

I’m sure you have heard this somewhere, at some time. But what does that mean? To me it means living from my heart. That still might not be enough to give you a good understanding. Let me tell you more.

Our mind/brain tends to rule us like a dictator. When we follow the brain, we are ruled by what we have learned and what has been handed down over the years; this influences our understanding, actions, reactions, and decisions. When you think of actions and reactions think about emotions. So often we react to our emotions only to later regret our actions. We don’t need to do that; we can learn to reprogram our brains and respond rather than react. By reprogramming our brain, we can then respond in a way that aligns with our values, in a way that we choose, in a way that will lead us to be the person we want to be. By constantly following your brain there is a good chance that you are doing what you have always done. We know where that will lead – to the same results you have always gotten.

For example: Stress often causes people to react (respond) by habit to challenging situations with anger, resentment, frustration, hurt feeling. We know these behaviours are destructive, to both you and the receiver.      

https://www.heartmath.org/articles-of-the-heart/the-math-of-heartmath/heart-based-living/

The term Heart-based living can mean something as simple as including your hearts’ intuition, your mind, and your values as you make decisions/choices. Your heart has wisdom in its/your feelings you want to learn to discern this wisdom and find the guidance to make that process easier (HeartMath is one source of guidance).

What would it look like to follow your heart? What would others see?

Love, compassion, kindness, patience, forgiveness, cooperation – these are a few of the qualities you might see in yourself when you begin to follow your heart, and you can look for these qualities in others.

You do not need to follow any specific religion to follow your heart. Following your heart is an intelligent way of living that can help reduce stress, separation, and greed which are the drivers of our major problems (think world, and then focus on your community, then yourself).

The information in this blog is from https://www.heartmath.org/articles-of-the-heart/the-math-of-heartmath/heart-based-living/

Emotional Intelligence and Leadership

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

Who needs emotional intelligence (EI or EQ)? My answer is everyone. In fact, it is something that should be taught throughout school. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a stand-alone course, though it certainly could be. EI could be included in courses for communication, psychology, sociology, and be a part of nursing and medical curricula. How can anyone effectively work with people and not have stellar EI.

Daniel Goleman’s theory of EQ is as follows:

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.

Goleman also states that “Great leadership works through the emotions.”

(Goleman, Boyatzyis, & McKee. Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. 2013.)

What is the process for learning about EI? As with many things, it starts with self: Self-awareness and Self-management followed by Social Awareness and Relationship management.

I found a test online that can help you discover your EI and begin your journey. This test only gives you an idea of where you are, and it is not the full test. I encourage you to check this one or another one out.

Note that the first item of EI is Self-awareness. This is straight -forward, if you aren’t aware of your emotions, you won’t be able to change how you respond in various situations. Once you are self-aware you can learn or improve your ability to self-manage, I also refer to this as self-leadership. Self-awareness is the foundation of the rest. Becoming self-aware also helps you to develop Social Awareness. Having paid attention to yourself, your emotions, and your reactions in various situations, you will be more likely to be able to notice how others react or respond to a variety of emotional events. Empathy comes into play in this area: being aware of what others are experiencing. This doesn’t mean you want to respond to someone going through a traumatic event with “I know how you feel”. That isn’t empathy. Empathy is understanding from where that person is coming. You understand the pain, grief, and sadness being experienced by the individual. Developing these three areas naturally leads to Relationship management. Our lives are filled with relationships.

Why does this make a difference to anyone, or in this case, to leaders? I want my boss, coach, guide, or anyone in a leadership role to have these qualities; to be Emotionally Intelligent.

A leader with a high EQ would be likely to be much better at inspiring and leading teams. Hopefully, an EI leader will guide and assist in the development of the other leaders in the organization. There can be more than one leader. We all have different skills and abilities in which we can lead. A socially aware leader will know when to call on others.

A lot goes on in our brain.

You do not have to be a leader to become more EI, it is worthwhile for everyone. Synchronicity occurred today: I am once again taking part in a research study and one of the lessons today was about the brain – our caveman brain and our frontal cortex. These are the areas involved in our reactions. Too much to go into here. But watch for my next blog on our caveman brain and our frontal cortex.

Whew! It Isn’t COVID What I’ve Learned

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

I’ve had a sore throat, runny nose, head and body aches, and have felt crappy for almost a week now. I canceled two medical appointments because I didn’t want to spread anything. I got tested for COVID – negative. A big sigh of relief.I thought about this and gave myself a bit of a kick for not listening to my intuition. I let my guard down and eased up on COVID precautions: I didn’t wear my mask if everyone had both their jabs. I went out a bit and saw a few people, I thought I was safe.

I haven’t had a cold in two years. Before COVID I was getting chemo. I completed chemo in February 2020, the beginning of COVID. During chemo, I was isolating a lot because my immune system was knocked out. So, the restrictions were merely a continuation for me, a bit more stringent as I hadn’t worn a mask, I just hadn’t gone out.

I concluded, the restrictions for COVID had aided in my not getting my usual frequent colds. I have believed in and practiced good hand hygiene for many years – that is what comes from working for years in an ICU.

I have a couple of autoimmune disorders that make it a bit more difficult to fight off infections and I’m considered a senior citizen (no one cares that I don’t feel like I’m old). Though I remain in remission from my cancer I still choose to be careful to not catch whatever is going around.

As we all wait for the restrictions to be over, so we don’t need to worry about getting sick, I am thinking of backtracking. I intend to go back to wearing my mask when in groups, if I can’t maintain a distance of approximately 2-meters when shopping (though I don’t like shopping and rarely do it). If I am sick, I will stay home, without visitors. I will continue to cover my mouth when I cough or sneeze – remember the phrase – sneeze in your sleeve.

I hope the days of going to work when you have “just a cold” are gone. If an employer expects someone to work when they have a cold and the employee doesn’t dare to go against that, I hope the employer is supplying masks for everyone and supplying hand sanitizer. Remember to wash your hands.

I hope the cleaning practices that have been learned will be continued. Maybe we can have a winter with less flu – oh yes, get a flu shot. The world in which we live is a dirty place. But we do know how to clean, make soap and water a priority.

A Closer Look at Following Your Heart

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

An Exerpt from HeartMath®

Increasingly, people are taking a closer look at what the age-old term “following your heart “means, and more are practicing heart-based living. The term heart-based living is a simple phrase which suggest that we are including our hearts’ intuitive feeling, along with our minds, when making choices and decisions that shape our life’s direction and happiness. Following your heart is learning to discern the wisdom of your heart feelings and then stepping into it. HeartMath’s research and tools were created to make this process easier.

Heart-based living includes practicing the qualities of the heart, such as love, compassion, kindness, patience, forgiveness, cooperation and more of these similar qualities. Being heart-based does not require being religious or belonging to any particular spiritual path. It is an intelligent way of living that would reduce most of the stress, separation and greed which drives the major problems that keep us from getting along with each other.

If you would like to learn more about Heart-Based Living and Following Your Heart, connect with me and we can chat. Book an appointment at a time that works for you at https://calendly.com/fromtheheartwithdr-elaine

Also, watch for additional HeartMathR and leadership information in my blogs.

Are Your Decisions Based on Fear?

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

When that bear is after me, I hope I can run faster than you can. I also hope that my fear has kicked in enough that I can actually run. I used to love running, but as with many of us old folk – the knees are gone.

If some dude or dudette breaks into my house while I am home, I hope I have enough fear to either hide or run. Fear can be good. The adrenalin gets you going, hopefully, to someplace safe. Fear today is different from the fear in the caveman days (I think there were cavewomen too, but we don’t seem to talk about them). We don’t have to run from the lion, tiger, bear, or any of those aggressive animals who look on us as prey. Today our fear comes from the political climate, the pandemic, racial issues and inequality, women’s inequality, the environment, and what we are doing about it – or not doing. Some still fear not being able to feed or house their families – wow – how long has this been going on??

Every day we are apt to experience fear when we drive, when we are walking, when someone we do not know approaches us, or if someone is not wearing a mask. How do you react to these fears? In most cases, you know your heart and respiratory rates increase. The increased heart and respiratory rate can also happen when we talk about politics and pandemics (starting to be hard to separate the two).

We are facing numerous fears with the ongoing pandemic. Mask versus non-mask, vaccine versus anti-vaccer, conspiracy versus non-conspiracy, and there might be other divides of which I am not aware. Why are these divides present – fear.  Fear is often the doing of politicians and the media.

There are numerous other things occurring causing us fear. No income, no school or only home-school, and you can’t work from home, not enough money to feed the family, pay the bills, and keep a roof over your head have become too common.

Our mental health is being stretched like it has not been in the lives of many of us. The Polio scare in the mid-50s, The Bay of Pigs, and the Cuban Missile Crisis in the early to mid-’60s when I was still fairly young, definitely scared us. By the time the Missile Crisis came along, I was old enough to read the paper and be frightened along with the adults. I didn’t understand everything, but I knew there was a possibility that we might be gone and I might not be with my mom when it happened. I was scared, really scared.

I am not scared now. I am fortunate and old enough to be able to live on my retirement pension. I will continue to look after my health, wear my mask (heck my immune system has been crap since long before the pandemic), and I have my two jabs. I wasn’t going out before the pandemic hit because I was undergoing chemo – I just haven’t changed what I was doing then.

That only gives us a bit of understanding of the effects of fear. When the pandemic has run its course there will be other fears. What else causes us to be fearful and how does fear influence our decisions?

We have been subjected to fear-causing news reports, health reports, and general pandemic discussions for a bit over 18-months. What an incredible amount of stress we have been put through, and that stress affects our decisions. Why? Because the fear creates stress which then influences our decisions. The decisions we make when stressed are often not the best decisions.

Some of the nastiest leaders in the world gain, and have gained, power because of the fear they instill. Is that what our leaders are doing now, or are they also being fed fear every day? I am not a conspiracy theorist. On the other hand, I do believe if you tell yourself something over and over again you begin to believe. After all, isn’t that what we are being taught to do to become more self-confident, to build self-esteem, and to make the most of ourselves? Darn right it is! And guess what – it works. So let’s use the same strategy to eliminate or reduce our fear now. You can stay in fear, or you can choose to live a beautiful life without ongoing fear.

It is a big ask for anyone who is afraid. Believe me, I have been there in the past. I am not there now and do not intend to be. I am in control of me, and I can help you be in control of you. Change is never easy, but small steps repeated over time accumulate and can make a huge difference. What is amazing is how the practices that can help get you out of a fearful state can be used every day, in a pandemic, or non-pandemic times.

At any time, each of us can benefit from someone who is a sounding board, or from a coach. Now, more than ever, someone to talk to is of the utmost importance. Many are experiencing feelings and fears they have never had to deal with before, and the people in their social support system are experiencing the same concerns. Find someone to talk to individually or as a group. I offer these kinds of services and I am sure there are others also offering individual and group coaching, mentoring, or training. As humans, we need each other. We are not meant to be alone. Seek what and who you need. You were not meant to live in fear.

Learn how to overcome anxiety, decrease your stress, and frustration. Book an appointment to chat at

Would You Like to Decrease Your Stress?

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

What a silly question. Doesn’t everyone want to decrease their stress? Of course, we all do. The hard thing for many of us is to figure out how. This past year, 2020, has only added stress for most people. Telling people to “not worry” doesn’t help one little bit.

I realized the other day that despite not having any reason to be feeling stressed – I was. Today I decided to take a day off. For me, that meant staying in bed for longer than usual, reading, playing a few games, fixing up some of my computer ‘stuff’, & at long last writing this blog. I had been putting it off because my blog site had disappeared – I made a mistake when I thought I was updating things. The other activities, or non-activities, of the day, have included a wee bit of tv, nothing that stretched my brain.

I know I need to practice what I preach. I also realized that a few months ago when I decided to make a few changes to my life I tried to do too much too quickly. I know better than that. But, I needed a reminder from my coach. I need to tackle one thing at a time. Right now I am taking a course – I need to focus on the course – it is short term & will be over in a few weeks. I have made a point of meditating every day. I have meditated for many years, but sometimes go for rather long stretches when I don’t (maybe a month). But, I am back at it – I feel so much better when I meditate at least once a day; why would I not do that every day?

https://unsplash.com/@keaneyefoto

The photo above appears to be a very stressed or sad person. I’ve been feeling like that the last few days – I want to curl up in a ball & ignore everyone & everything around me. Let’s make sure you don’t get to that stage. Regardless of the way I have been feeling I still want to help others. That might actually be a bit selfish – I feel better when I can help others. I don’t need to control, be in charge, or dominate. I want to help by listening, & sharing the strategies I have collected over the years (it’s been a lot of years), & guiding you to do what is best for you. Only you know what you are ready for & can do at this time.

How can I help? You might want to start with a Stress Check-List to see how much stress you are experiencing. I have included the Stress Check-List (from HeartMath) at the end of the blog. There are a plethora of ways to decrease stress. But, stress & decreasing stress aren’t one-size-fits-all. Some things are basics for everyone, but though we are all one, we are also unique & need what works for us as an individual. A few things to think about include: – sleep, healthy nutrition, exercise, meditation, yoga, a soak in a nice warm bath with Epsom salts & essential oils. Some of these are quick fixes, some are part of longer stress reduction & self-care strategies.

All of the above will help decrease stress, but you need to do them daily or frequently. I can help. As a coach/mentor I have many tools in my toolbox & I am sure we can find a few that will work for you.

Recently, I have successfully made it through cancer & chemo-therapy, coping with autoimmune disorders, retiring, & just getting old (yes, even aging can be a stressor).

Do you have too much stress?

Everyone responds to stress differently. Use this checklist to assess the impact stress is having
on your life and if it’s time to do something about it.

Low stress levels
 feel well
 I am able to relax
 Physical recreation brings me pleasure
 Increasing pressure enhances my performance
 My thinking is clear and I learn easily
 I am able to say “No”
 Others see me as adaptable and approachable

Moderate stress levels
 I feel driven, hyperactive, and restless
 I tend to make snap decisions but with errors
 I feel over-burdened but can still say “No”
 I often feel tired but am taking steps to recover
 I often try to squeeze a few extra drops out of my performance
 Discipline, fitness, social pressure and stimulants play a greater role in my ability to perform
 My sleep is just about adequate
 Others see me as tired yet successful


High stress levels
 I don’t think as clearly as I used to
 I feel irritable and “on edge”
 I complain and grumble regularly
 I work longer hours but get less done
 I have repeated minor ailments, aches and pains
 I am exhausted, have poor endurance and my work/life balance is suffering
 I am unable to distinguish the essential from non-essential
 I have sleep problems
 I feel like I’m l operating in survival mode
 I accept excessive burdens and see them as inevitable
 Others see me as energized and successful

Contact your HeartMath® Certified Coach for more information.

Elaine Rose

  • phone/text: 403-561-0185
  • email: fromtheheartwithdr.elaine@gmail.com
  • book an appointment: https://calendly.com/fromtheheartwithdr-elaine

© 2015 HeartMath LLC. HeartMath is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.

Changes – The Only Thing On Which We Can Rely

Posted on by Dr. Elaine

I have never been afraid of change. Everything is constantly changing. The world is experiencing huge change because the COVID-19 Pandemic is having an effect on everyone. It is just one of the changes I have experienced over the last seven years. Some of the changes have not been pleasant. However, I have learned a lot. Just as I expect to do in any experience.

I am a big supporter of self-care & have been for many years. I rudely discovered I wasn’t doing quite enough. I am a stubborn person & it took me quite a while to listen. If I had listened to my body a bit sooner maybe I wouldn’t have had seven years of health changes that were anything but pleasant.

In 2013 our home was flooded during the great flood of Calgary. Not good; but, I had been wanting to get rid of the carpet in the basement & make a few other changes. What an opportunity. About a week later that I found out why I had been so incredibly tired for the past year or two – I had an autoimmune disease. Changes.

I had always thought of self-care as going for a massage, a mani-pedi, or as simple as a nice soak in the tub. I also knew that self-care meant not taking on too much & being able to say “no”.

With the news of an autoimmune disease, I listened to my body & I slowed down. Not enough. I adapted, somewhat. I found not being able to do all I wanted very frustrating. I wasn’t able to work enough to keep my job. I retired, not what I wanted, but what I had to do. I hadn’t been without a job in about 40 years. But, I had lots of things to do, just not enough energy to do them all.

Still not feeling well my doctor was watching me & referring me to appropriate specialists. I had my gallbladder removed because of stones & nausea almost every day. The surgery went smooth & I was feeling great the next day & attended my granddaughter’s grade 12 grad just 3 days later.

A week later, things changed. I awoke in great pain. Back to the hospital for a week’s stay, I had pancreatitis. I took the entire summer to recover. A great change to how I would normally spend the summer.

I never got back to feeling well, but I kept plugging along doing what I could to regain strength & endurance. Various symptoms continued to develop. Tests & referrals to a variety of doctors. Eventually, it was noted that my spleen was getting quite large (I hadn’t been able to eat much for several months & my weight was dropping. I was very happy to lose the weight, I needed to drop many pounds. The doctors weren’t quite so happy. Surgery was in order to remove the spleen. I think that went as well as could be expected. The spleen was cancerous, as the doctors had suspected. With my spleen removed I was considered in remission, I would only need to be followed by the cancer clinic. I could handle that. Again doing well recovering from the surgery. Having surgeries was a big change for me & I was pretty happy with both. As a retired ICU nurse, I was very aware of many things that could go wrong.

About a month after the splenectomy, I started to not feel well again. Another change that I wasn’t too happy about. More tests. Off to the hospital again. I wasn’t feeling too bad, & was surprised that the hospital kept me. A couple of days later that changed. I thought I was going to die & the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. A different cancer this time. I was thrilled that it was just cancer & could be treated with chemotherapy & was expected to have a full recovery.

The chemotherapy routine was different – another change. My husband was a marvelous caregiver; I will be forever grateful to him. I finished chemotherapy in February 2020. COVID hit & within a month we were in lockdown. However, that wasn’t a big change for me; I had been very careful since my spleen was removed because no spleen decreases your resistance to infection.

What changes have occurred since then? Well, nothing very major. Another autoimmune disorder, but not much different than what I already had.

Changes

Elaine
Before Chemo
During Chemo

Every day we undergo changes we don’t notice. In one day 2 to 3 million red blood cells are produced. As cells are produced others are dying. As many as 1011 cells die each day in adults. These are only some of our cells. Different cells live for various amounts of time. Just as we cannot step in the same river twice, we are a different person every day with many new cells. Change in you, in me, every day: wow!

When faced with change I suggest looking at what you can learn. Discover how change can be of benefit, or provide the source for an adventure. Whether it is health, how you are functioning in this world, or discovering more about yourself you have a choice to embrace change & make sure you emerge a better person OR you can choose to let the change control you.

I am working to build my coaching/mentoring business. As I do this work, I realize I have lots to learn, not the least is more about technology. I am much more aware of the positive changes we can make. Sometimes we need to make changes so we can manage the changes we have accepted in the past. I love helping people discover the wonderful things they can do with just a bit of discovery & guidance.

What changes would you like to make? Oh my gosh, we can actually choose to make changes. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Will you need to make some changes to get there? Will there also be changes that ‘just happen’?

Book a time in my calendar to schedule a free chat to uncover your strengths & move forward to make your dreams come true.