Emotional Intelligence and Leadership

Who needs emotional intelligence (EI or EQ)? My answer is everyone. In fact, I think it is something that should be taught throughout school. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a stand-alone course, though it certainly could be. EI could definitely be included in courses for communication, psychology, sociology, and definitely be a part of nursing and medical curricula. How can anyone effectively work with people and not have stellar EI.

Daniel Goleman’s theory of EQ is as follows:

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.”

Goleman also states that “Great leadership works through the emotions.”

(Goleman, Boyatzyis, & McKee. Primal Leadership: Unleashing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. 2013 )

What is the process for learning about EI? As with many things, it starts with self; Self-awareness and Self-management followed by Social Awareness and Relationship management.

I found a test online that can help you discover your EI and begin your journey. This test only gives you an idea of where you are, and it is not the full test. I encourage you to check this one or another one out.

Note that the first item of EI is Self-awareness. This is straight -forward, if you aren’t aware of your emotions, you won’t be able to change how you respond in various situations. Once you are self-aware you are in a position to self-manage, I also refer to this as self-leadership. Self-awareness is the foundation of all of the rest. Becoming self-aware also helps you to develop Social Awareness. Having paid attention to yourself, your emotions, and your reactions in various situations, you will be more likely to be able to notice how others react or respond to a variety of emotional events. Empathy comes into play in this area: being aware of what others are experiencing. This doesn’t mean you want to respond to someone going through a traumatic event with “I know how you feel”. That isn’t empathy. Empathy is understanding where that person is coming from. You understand the pain, grief, and sadness being experienced. Developing these three areas naturally leads to Relationship management. Our lives are filled with relationships.

Why does this make a difference to anyone, or in this case, to leaders? I want my boss, coach, guide, or anyone in a leadership role to have these qualities; to be Emotionally Intelligent.

A leader with a high EQ would be likely to be much better at inspiring and leading teams. Hopefully, an EI leader will guide and assist in the development of the other leaders in the organization. There can be more than one leader. We all have different skills and abilities in which we can lead. A socially aware leader will know when to call on others.

You do not have to be a leader to become more EI, it is worthwhile for everyone. Synchronicity occurred today: I am once again taking part in a research study and one of the lessons today was about the brain – our caveman brain and our frontal cortex. These are the areas involved in our reactions. Too much to go into here. But watch for my next blog on our caveman brain and our frontal cortex.

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Whew! It Isn’t COVID What I’ve Learned

I’ve had a sore throat, runny nose, head and body aches, and have felt crappy for almost a week now. I canceled two medical appointments because I didn’t want to spread anything. I got tested for COVID – negative. A big sigh of relief.I thought about this and gave myself a bit of a kick for not listening to my intuition. I let my guard down and eased up on COVID precautions: I didn’t wear my mask if everyone had both their jabs. I went out a bit and saw a few people, I thought I was safe.

I haven’t had a cold in two years. Before COVID I was getting chemo. I completed chemo in February 2020, the beginning of COVID. During chemo, I was isolating a lot because my immune system was knocked out. So, the restrictions were merely a continuation for me, a bit more stringent as I hadn’t worn a mask, I just hadn’t gone out.

I concluded, the restrictions for COVID had aided in my not getting my usual frequent colds. I have believed in and practiced good hand hygiene for many years – that is what comes from working for years in an ICU.

I have a couple of autoimmune disorders that make it a bit more difficult to fight off infections and I’m considered a senior citizen (no one cares that I don’t feel like I’m old). Though I remain in remission from my cancer I still choose to be careful to not catch whatever is going around.

As we all wait for the restrictions to be over, so we don’t need to worry about getting sick, I am thinking of backtracking. I intend to go back to wearing my mask when in groups, if I can’t maintain a distance of approximately 2-meters when shopping (though I don’t like shopping and rarely do it). If I am sick, I will stay home, without visitors. I will continue to cover my mouth when I cough or sneeze – remember the phrase – sneeze in your sleeve.

I hope the days of going to work when you have “just a cold” are gone. If an employer expects someone to work when they have a cold and the employee doesn’t dare to go against that, I hope the employer is supplying masks for everyone and supplying hand sanitizer. Remember to wash your hands.

I hope the cleaning practices that have been learned will be continued. Maybe we can have a winter with less flu – oh yes, get a flu shot. The world in which we live is a dirty place. But we do know how to clean, make soap and water a priority.

A Closer Look at Following Your Heart

An Exerpt from HeartMath®

Increasingly, people are taking a closer look at what the age-old term “following your heart “means, and more are practicing heart-based living. The term heart-based living is a simple phrase which suggest that we are including our hearts’ intuitive feeling, along with our minds, when making choices and decisions that shape our life’s direction and happiness. Following your heart is learning to discern the wisdom of your heart feelings and then stepping into it. HeartMath’s research and tools were created to make this process easier.

Heart-based living includes practicing the qualities of the heart, such as love, compassion, kindness, patience, forgiveness, cooperation and more of these similar qualities. Being heart-based does not require being religious or belonging to any particular spiritual path. It is an intelligent way of living that would reduce most of the stress, separation and greed which drives the major problems that keep us from getting along with each other.

If you would like to learn more about Heart-Based Living and Following Your Heart, connect with me and we can chat. Book an appointment at a time that works for you at https://calendly.com/fromtheheartwithdr-elaine

Also, watch for additional HeartMathR and leadership information in my blogs.

Are Your Decisions Based on Fear?

When that bear is after me, I hope I can run faster than you can. I also hope that my fear has kicked in enough that I can actually run. I used to love running, but as with many of us old folk – the knees are gone.

If some dude or dudette breaks into my house while I am home, I hope I have enough fear to either hide or run. Fear can be good. The adrenalin gets you going, hopefully, to someplace safe. Fear today is different from the fear in the caveman days (I think there were cavewomen too, but we don’t seem to talk about them). We don’t have to run from the lion, tiger, bear, or any of those aggressive animals who look on us as prey. Today our fear comes from the political climate, the pandemic, racial issues and inequality, women’s inequality, the environment, and what we are doing about it – or not doing. Some still fear not being able to feed or house their families – wow – how long has this been going on??

Every day we are apt to experience fear when we drive, when we are walking, when someone we do not know approaches us, or if someone is not wearing a mask. How do you react to these fears? In most cases, you know your heart and respiratory rates increase. The increased heart and respiratory rate can also happen when we talk about politics and pandemics (starting to be hard to separate the two).

We are facing numerous fears with the ongoing pandemic. Mask versus non-mask, vaccine versus anti-vaccer, conspiracy versus non-conspiracy, and there might be other divides of which I am not aware. Why are these divides present – fear.  Fear is often the doing of politicians and the media.

There are numerous other things occurring causing us fear. No income, no school or only home-school, and you can’t work from home, not enough money to feed the family, pay the bills, and keep a roof over your head have become too common.

Our mental health is being stretched like it has not been in the lives of many of us. The Polio scare in the mid-50s, The Bay of Pigs, and the Cuban Missile Crisis in the early to mid-’60s when I was still fairly young, definitely scared us. By the time the Missile Crisis came along, I was old enough to read the paper and be frightened along with the adults. I didn’t understand everything, but I knew there was a possibility that we might be gone and I might not be with my mom when it happened. I was scared, really scared.

I am not scared now. I am fortunate and old enough to be able to live on my retirement pension. I will continue to look after my health, wear my mask (heck my immune system has been crap since long before the pandemic), and I have my two jabs. I wasn’t going out before the pandemic hit because I was undergoing chemo – I just haven’t changed what I was doing then.

That only gives us a bit of understanding of the effects of fear. When the pandemic has run its course there will be other fears. What else causes us to be fearful and how does fear influence our decisions?

We have been subjected to fear-causing news reports, health reports, and general pandemic discussions for a bit over 18-months. What an incredible amount of stress we have been put through, and that stress affects our decisions. Why? Because the fear creates stress which then influences our decisions. The decisions we make when stressed are often not the best decisions.

Some of the nastiest leaders in the world gain, and have gained, power because of the fear they instill. Is that what our leaders are doing now, or are they also being fed fear every day? I am not a conspiracy theorist. On the other hand, I do believe if you tell yourself something over and over again you begin to believe. After all, isn’t that what we are being taught to do to become more self-confident, to build self-esteem, and to make the most of ourselves? Darn right it is! And guess what – it works. So let’s use the same strategy to eliminate or reduce our fear now. You can stay in fear, or you can choose to live a beautiful life without ongoing fear.

It is a big ask for anyone who is afraid. Believe me, I have been there in the past. I am not there now and do not intend to be. I am in control of me, and I can help you be in control of you. Change is never easy, but small steps repeated over time accumulate and can make a huge difference. What is amazing is how the practices that can help get you out of a fearful state can be used every day, in a pandemic, or non-pandemic times.

At any time, each of us can benefit from someone who is a sounding board, or from a coach. Now, more than ever, someone to talk to is of the utmost importance. Many are experiencing feelings and fears they have never had to deal with before, and the people in their social support system are experiencing the same concerns. Find someone to talk to individually or as a group. I offer these kinds of services and I am sure there are others also offering individual and group coaching, mentoring, or training. As humans, we need each other. We are not meant to be alone. Seek what and who you need. You were not meant to live in fear.

Learn how to overcome anxiety, decrease your stress, and frustration. Book an appointment to chat at

Would You Like to Decrease Your Stress?

What a silly question. Doesn’t everyone want to decrease their stress? Of course, we all do. The hard thing for many of us is to figure out how. This past year, 2020, has only added stress for most people. Telling people to “not worry” doesn’t help one little bit.

I realized the other day that despite not having any reason to be feeling stressed – I was. Today I decided to take a day off. For me, that meant staying in bed for longer than usual, reading, playing a few games, fixing up some of my computer ‘stuff’, & at long last writing this blog. I had been putting it off because my blog site had disappeared – I made a mistake when I thought I was updating things. The other activities, or non-activities, of the day, have included a wee bit of tv, nothing that stretched my brain.

I know I need to practice what I preach. I also realized that a few months ago when I decided to make a few changes to my life I tried to do too much too quickly. I know better than that. But, I needed a reminder from my coach. I need to tackle one thing at a time. Right now I am taking a course – I need to focus on the course – it is short term & will be over in a few weeks. I have made a point of meditating every day. I have meditated for many years, but sometimes go for rather long stretches when I don’t (maybe a month). But, I am back at it – I feel so much better when I meditate at least once a day; why would I not do that every day?

https://unsplash.com/@keaneyefoto

The photo above appears to be a very stressed or sad person. I’ve been feeling like that the last few days – I want to curl up in a ball & ignore everyone & everything around me. Let’s make sure you don’t get to that stage. Regardless of the way I have been feeling I still want to help others. That might actually be a bit selfish – I feel better when I can help others. I don’t need to control, be in charge, or dominate. I want to help by listening, & sharing the strategies I have collected over the years (it’s been a lot of years), & guiding you to do what is best for you. Only you know what you are ready for & can do at this time.

How can I help? You might want to start with a Stress Check-List to see how much stress you are experiencing. I have included the Stress Check-List (from HeartMath) at the end of the blog. There are a plethora of ways to decrease stress. But, stress & decreasing stress aren’t one-size-fits-all. Some things are basics for everyone, but though we are all one, we are also unique & need what works for us as an individual. A few things to think about include: – sleep, healthy nutrition, exercise, meditation, yoga, a soak in a nice warm bath with Epsom salts & essential oils. Some of these are quick fixes, some are part of longer stress reduction & self-care strategies.

All of the above will help decrease stress, but you need to do them daily or frequently. I can help. As a coach/mentor I have many tools in my toolbox & I am sure we can find a few that will work for you.

Recently, I have successfully made it through cancer & chemo-therapy, coping with autoimmune disorders, retiring, & just getting old (yes, even aging can be a stressor).

Do you have too much stress?

Everyone responds to stress differently. Use this checklist to assess the impact stress is having
on your life and if it’s time to do something about it.

Low stress levels
 feel well
 I am able to relax
 Physical recreation brings me pleasure
 Increasing pressure enhances my performance
 My thinking is clear and I learn easily
 I am able to say “No”
 Others see me as adaptable and approachable

Moderate stress levels
 I feel driven, hyperactive, and restless
 I tend to make snap decisions but with errors
 I feel over-burdened but can still say “No”
 I often feel tired but am taking steps to recover
 I often try to squeeze a few extra drops out of my performance
 Discipline, fitness, social pressure and stimulants play a greater role in my ability to perform
 My sleep is just about adequate
 Others see me as tired yet successful


High stress levels
 I don’t think as clearly as I used to
 I feel irritable and “on edge”
 I complain and grumble regularly
 I work longer hours but get less done
 I have repeated minor ailments, aches and pains
 I am exhausted, have poor endurance and my work/life balance is suffering
 I am unable to distinguish the essential from non-essential
 I have sleep problems
 I feel like I’m l operating in survival mode
 I accept excessive burdens and see them as inevitable
 Others see me as energized and successful

Contact your HeartMath® Certified Coach for more information.

Elaine Rose

  • phone/text: 403-561-0185
  • email: fromtheheartwithdr.elaine@gmail.com
  • book an appointment: https://calendly.com/fromtheheartwithdr-elaine

© 2015 HeartMath LLC. HeartMath is a registered trademark of the Institute of HeartMath.